My Room

"Everyone carries a room about inside them. This fact can even be proved by means of the sense of hearing. If someone walks fast and one pricks up one's ears and listens, say at night, when everything round about is quiet, one hears, for instance, the rattling of a mirror not quite firmly fastened to the wall." -Franz Kafka

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Jagged Little Pill

I generally avoid discussing controversial issues on this blog, saving such discussion instead for another blog that I don't link to from here to avoid offending people, but I want the opinions and insights of people who read this blog and don't know about the other. My mom, being a mother herself, has linked up with several other family/motherhood bloggers, and I especially invite comments from those who have likewise been linked to me through my mom.

The issue I wish to discuss is birth control.

My wife begins graduate school on Monday, and I graduated in May and am still seeking employment. A child does not fit into our life right now. At this point one would disrupt the direction we are going, and we would not be able to care for one as we'd like. So we use birth control. We received no backlash from our Christian families, and few people at our Christian school expressed opinions to the contrary. Is this normal?

The arguments I have heard against birth control thus far ring hollow to me. Some say that God gave humanity the command to be fruitful and multiply. I agree completely, but:
1.) With more than six trillion people on the planet, I think we can safely say, "Mission Accomplished" and actually be correct.
2.) The argument implies that the fact that I'm not having unprotected sex at this moment is a violation of God's command.
3.) We fully intend to populate the earth with our offspring, just not right now.

I have talked to others who are proponents of natural birth control and understanding monthly cycles and abstaining from sex when the wife is able to conceive. I don't understand this either.
1.) The same science that helps me understand when conception is possible has also created a pill that accomplishes the same thing.
2.) It's still preventing life, so I don't see how it's any different.

Is this a generational issue, one that was once controversial, but which most newlyweds, even Christians, simply accept as a matter of course? That's certainly how it was for my wife and me, and we are adamantly pro-life, meaning we oppose not only abortion but war and the death penalty. Neither of us considers birth control a violation of our deeply held convictions.

I know that some will disagree, and those are the people whose comments I eagerly await. I certainly will gain nothing by convincing you to agree with me, so don't be afraid to say what you think. All I ask is that, whether you agree or not, you offer your comments in a spirit of love as we attempt together to get at the truth, which is, I hope, important to all of us. Any arguments that I perceive to be ad hominem will be deleted.

posted by Unknown @ 8/11/2005 05:00:00 pm  

17 Comments:

  • At 11:52 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wow...you are a brave guy asking for our opinions!!!At now 53 years of age, yep, we did birth control for a lot of years...we only had 3 kids. Would I do so again...well, not the way we did anyway...and today I would not tell anyone else to use it! Because I have learned more about God in the last few years...even though was raised in a very conservative church background and always attended. The fact you wish to discuss this may indicate that God wants you to think on it, study His words more, etc....

    From my experience, I think the natural way is best...though in my case, likely would have failed at some point in time. From what I understand from my dil, who has researched this stuff extensively, the birth control pill actually is an aborter. I would NEVER have taken it had I known this... Later, after 2 kids a couple years apart, I asked my Catholic doc (thinking he would not steer me wrong) about the IUD I had put in...he assured me it was not an aborter, no one knew exactly why it worked...uh huh, yea right. I was very ignorant. 15 months later when my cycle resumed, the pain caused me to have it removed. But sadly after that, I had miscarriages...several...none before, mind you...only after! I can safely say that had not God healed me, my last child would never have made it to birth. I had her after some folks at church prayed for my healing (not to have another baby, but for my female troubles). So she is our miracle...and when she was 3 1/2 I had to have all the organs removed. So ended our family. We would have loved to have had more...but that is how it went.

    As to your first premise...I believe it to be false. Who says that "be fruitful and multiply" has been fulfilled in God's eyes? I would be afraid to take that responsibility upon myself. It is a fact that the reason the world's resources are in trouble is at least partially due to man's misuse of them (or unwillingness to share with others). If God can change a commandment like that, then what else might He change? HE will decide when enough is enough! HE is in control of things, whether it appears so or not.

    I do understand the problem you are currently facing however...with schooling needs, etc. and no job for you yet...etc. But HE knows it too...so if you ask HIM to SHOW you what is right in HIS eyes...you can rest assured that is a prayer He will certainly answer. I asked my mom once about timing of our 2nd child as we were then in the midst of building a house, helping my dad restart his business after a drunk driver nearly killed him...etc. She said, "If you wait for the RIGHT time, it will never arrive...there is never a perfect time to have a child." She was correct.

    I think the Jewish model was best. A man could not marry until his dad deemed his house was built good enough and ready...then of course, it was expected that children would follow ere long. And a man who was newly wed was not to go to war or work...was to take off a whole year just to enjoy his wife and get the marriage bond strong. Just think how nice that would be even today?!!

    We do things in our society a far cry from the way God arranged things...makes for very difficult decisions...we just must pray and try our best to follow whatever God shows us. Hubby and I do wish we had trusted God more and had a more God directed marriage...because the rest would have fallen into place, including timing of children, etc. For me, I would not have had any closer than probably 2 years anyway (in my case it would have been maybe 6 kids total)...with nursing, my cycles were very slow to resume. Not everyone is like that. I wish very much that I had had more now..but it is too late!

    One last remark...last weekend my son had a vasectomy. We feel very sad but do not see he has a choice. He has 3 children with some health issues...all under 5 years old. His wife was just found to have some serious health issues and is down to under 100 pounds at 5 1/2 ft. tall...you know that is VERY thin! She is not well enough to have her tubes tied...so he has no choice. Do I wish he did not have to do this?? YES! But he is trying to save his wife's life (she might not last another pregnancy...and they are indeed fertile mertyles...they do not even know HOW she conceived the first one!!) A hard call. We are not critical...it is our place to be supportive of the difficult spot they are in. You know, not a one of us will leave this life without having sinned...so it may well be that in this area, many of us will be held to account.

    BUT the good part, is HE knows the desires of our heart and if that is to follow HIM with all of it...He will know it and honor it. Blessings to you and may God bless you and your wife richly!!
    Elizabeth

     

  • At 11:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    PS...I came from a family of 4 kids. One brother was killed prior to his marriage by the drunk driver. The other 2 married women who had children and never had any more. So the tally for my family is 1 less than in my birth family. Now my son will only have his 3 children and my 2nd child may not be able to have any and my 3rd may choose to not marry. SO! So far...out of 4 kids...in 3 generations..we are still 1 behind where we started! Overpopulate...not us! And more folks are having problems with conceiving and having miscarriages than I remember from "my day" too...just something to think about!
    Elizabeth

     

  • At 8:48 am, Blogger Unknown said…

    Elizabeth,

    Thanks for your response. I would like to rephrase my first premise, because I see the danger that such thinking can lead to: quotas, abortions, etc. My point is not that the world is overpopulated (I've been to Michigan's Upper Peninsula; I know this to be false). What I mean is that the command is being fulfilled by humanity whether my wife and I have children or not.

     

  • At 9:37 am, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Buddy,
    I tend to agree with you. My husband and I used birth control for three years after getting married so that we would have some time alone together to really and truly get to know eachother without kids in the picture...we also felt that we could afford the time since I was only 21 when we married. I agonized over taking the pill when we were engaged...I was initially opposed because I had been raised to believe it was wrong.

    These are the reasons I was told it was an immoral choice:
    *The pill works by aborting the unborn child.
    *True faith and trust in God leaves the choice of "opening and closing the womb" in His hands and not ours.
    *Children are "a blessing from the Lord," to prevent your blessing is idiocy.
    *The pill might screw up your body and make it harder to concieve later when you're ready.


    So...with those ideas in mind. Let me explain how I got over each of these hurdles. I actually made birth control my topic for "Argumentation and Debate" with Detweiler, which helped me do adequate research and really know my topic.

    After much research I learned that it is unclear whether the pill aborts or not. The main way that the pill stops pregnancy is through supression of ovulation. That's the main purpose of the drug. The plan is, make your body think its pregnant already by upping the hormones in your bloodstream and thereby make your body decide that it doesn't need to release an egg anymore because you don't need one right now.

    Now...the makers of the pill were trying to come up with a version of a contraceptive that would be as close to 100% as possible, so as safeguards they added some additional functions to the pill which are secondary. They are only to go into effect if the supression of ovulation does not work and an egg is accidentaly released anyhow. These safeguards are: thinning of unterine lining and thickening of mucus around the opening of cervix.

    The one that concerns Christians who are strongly Pro-life and believe that life begins at conception is the thinning of the uterine lining. The idea here is...that supposing the suppression of ovulation doesn't work and your wife's body releases an egg, and then supposing the thickening of mucus at the cervical opening doesn't work to deter the entrance of sperm....her egg may arrive at the cervix and may be fertilized and then it may be "aborted" because it will not be able to implant in the uterine wall because the lining will be too thin to attatch to.

    Whew! I hope you're not grossed out or bored yet. So...my thinking was, in the first place, that's a lot of "what ifs."

    I also considered the amount of times it is estimated that the human body spontaneously aborts a fertilized egg without any help from the pill. It is estimated that only about 2/3 of female eggs that are fertilized result in detectable pregnancies. The other 1/3 of fertilized eggs spontaneously abort or die. And that's "naturally" without any help from me.

    Anyhow...the real truth is, nobody's sure how often, if at all, the pill actually causes a spontaneous abortion. There would have to be studies done to prove such things actually occur, and the studies that would need to be done would actually cause spontaneous abortions so the Pro-life people don't want to them....and the Pro-choice people don't really care because they're happy with the pill the way it is....so likely that research will never be done, so we'll never know. Nice, eh?

    Plus, the other things I worried about seemed illogical to me: trusting God with my fertility for instance, I don't use this mindset with other helpful drugs. "God, I trust you to decide whether I should have headaches or not and to heal the pain from this broken ankle if you so choose." No way! God has given us the gift of discovery and we need to use it, albeit wisely.

    Research has also proven that the pill does not inhibit women's natural fertility, one of the other concerns I had heard voiced. In fact, there are health benefits for women...you are less likely to get certain cancers because of taking the pill! So there went that reason!

    And lastly, "Children are blessings, why miss out!" Ah yes, well any blessing at an improper time can be a bad thing. I'm not against having children, just like you...I just had a logical reason for waiting a set amount of time. Having the "blessing" of great sex all the time when you're not married is a dangerous use of that "blessing." Everything in the proper time. And, yes, I agree with Elizabeth, waiting until you "have it all together" is silly, I think the same thing about marriage...waiting just for the sake of waiting is silly. You'll never feel "ready." But you will finish school, get a job, build your house....whatever...it just has to be concrete.

    All that being said, I have been married for a little over three years and I have never once mentioned that I am taking the pill, to my mother. I know she'd flip out. She isn't willing to do research or listen to my opinions she's just decided what she thinks and I don't feel like its worth argueing over.

    Listen to Elizabeth, pray, talk to Christine a lot, and study! Do your research! There's a lot of info out there on the pill.

    And by the way...if the spontanous abortion thing still gets ya....there are some versions of the pill on the market which don't thin the uterine lining. Ask your doctor.

     

  • At 10:16 am, Blogger Unknown said…

    Hey Carleen,

    Thanks for your comments. We were concerned about abortive pills as well, but our research revealed what you said.

    I'm really not questioning my stand on birth control, but I've read several blogs where someone who felt one way attacked someone who disagreed, and I wanted a place where we could discuss it civilly (I may be naive to believe that this is possible, but so far, I'm encouraged).

    I agree with what you said about waiting. While we were engaged, Christine used to ask me if I thought we were ready to get married, and I said I didn't know. I don't think you're ever ready. You do it, and then get ready. But right now, having kids doesn't fit. Someday we'll decide to just do it (so to speak), and then prepare. But that day is not today.

     

  • At 1:13 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thanks for the clarification on the over population bit. I see your point! Ha! My atheist daughter, educated at one of, if not the most, liberal universities in this nation, fully ascribes to this myth! I agree with her on better management and useage of our fragile resources...but I firmly believe that God put enough there...as He always does....people are the problem in their lack of doing things right!

    Blessings on your research...I did not do the research myself...just my dil...as I was way past that time of life before the internet became available. In our family, having had way too much experience with doctors...and lies I might add...either by their choice or who they believed, we are quite hesitant to use them much anymore. I personally have blood pressure way out of control right now...so until I can loose weight, exercise more and maybe change some other things...I am doomed to use them some! Unfortunately!! Do take what they tell you though with a grain of salt...they do not have the time to fully research everything themselves. We have managed to get my hubby off his diabetes meds and do it with diet and juicing...even the doc has been amazed...a friend led us to that information plus some videos by a doctor helped us to figure things out. We live in an age of a great deal of information... wading through it is the hard part...but right now, you do have the time, right? I do hope you are healing from your injury, by the way! It must be troublesome...the only bone I have broken is my tailbone...and that was a big ouch for a time!
    Elizabeth

     

  • At 5:11 pm, Blogger Chris said…

    "The same science that helps me understand when conception is possible has also created a pill that accomplishes the same thing."

    Could you explain what you mean by "the same science"?
    I would be hesitant to group a cultural solution of "ceremonial forms, disciplines, and restraints" in with a chemical solution. I would say these are very different sciences; one that is based on "the cultural ties between sexuality and fertility" and one based on a "division between sexuality and fertility".
    I don't think the pill is the solution, I think good solutions are discipline, a knowledge of the menstration cycle, restraint, and moderation. However, I'm not married.

     

  • At 5:43 pm, Blogger Unknown said…

    Interesting.

    By the same science, I mean the method of observing what the human body does and understanding how it will respond in a given situation. In one case, you abstain from an action. In another, you take medication. The result is the same, except that in scenario B, you get to have sex with your wife. That's the option that I choose.

    I think I see what you mean by the division of sexuality and fertility, but I disagree with the implied judgment that separating sexuality from fertility is a bad thing. Sex is about much more than procreation, and so postponing one blessed element of sex in order to enjoy other elements of both sex and marriage is worthwhile to me.

    Also, while this may not be the case for everyone, Christine and I understand birth control as temporary, and so even while using it, we look forward to the day when we will produce offspring together. Brown haired, blue eyed offspring who I pray to God will not like sports.

     

  • At 9:57 pm, Blogger Jared said…

    As far as I can see, and I've looked, there is zero biblical data arguing against birth control. It only seems reasonable, and an embrace of wisdom and stewardship, for couples to exercise some discernment in how many kids they want to have and at what times.

    We stopped using the Pill a couple of years ago when we became convinced, based on our research, that most pills can be abortifacent. No, not all are, and yes, the ones that are aren't that way be design. But there is enough ambiguity and potential there that we prefer to err on the side of caution. Accidental or not, intentional or not, we'd rather not a fertilized egg of ours pass because of a choice we made.

    We still practice birth control, but not any with abortifacent potential. The only mess up we'd have is getting pregnant, and that would be fine with us!

    I'm not dogmatic about any of this, of course, and I sympathize with you on this issue. It's not easy, and I was in the same position back when I felt people were trying to say one or another choice was "evil."

    Just pray about it and use the brain God gave you. It's never wise to go against one's biblically informed conscience.

     

  • At 10:04 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The pill is not designed to be an abortificant (except as a second backup).

    HOWEVER...the low dose pills of today demand that a woman be very faithful about taking them - and very faithful about taking them at the same time every day.

    I don't know about you (you may not have a problem with this), but I'm not organized enough to be able to do this.

    I take birth control pills 3 months every year (for a different reason, I don't need birth control). I frequently look at the package and realize...hey, this isn't Wednesday...this is Friday. Of course, if using them as birth control, I might make a point to be more careful...

     

  • At 11:32 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    While there may be something said for not being terribly specific in scripture about birth control, one thing we have learned in recent years, is that as Americans and speakers of English we have a very inadequate grasp of many meanings and idioms in the scripture...and I might add, having sat in many churches and theology classes...we are joined by many others as ignorant whom are teaching us! However, as knowledge explodes and internet is accessible more, we have gotten some teaching we never had access to before...those with a better grasp of not only the original language of the Bible, but also the culture and idioms, etc etc,that go along with that have helped us in many areas.

    The book of Jasher is mentioned twice in the OT...as a source of information, with respect, I might add. That is available from Drdino.com for about $10! If you have that much $$ to spare and time to read, I think you might find that book to be most interesting. Yes, it was not chosen to be scripture (and was lost at the time of the canon)...but it has a lot of information not given us in scripture and being it is mentioned thus by the OT...I feel safe to believe what it says. And it does say how God felt about their using birth control and the judgments that came because of that choice, as well as others. I would be interested to hear what you think after reading that book!
    Elizabeth

     

  • At 5:54 pm, Blogger Chris said…

    Buddy,
    There was no conscious implications that the difference between sexuality and fertility is a bad thing. The division between sexuality and fertility, however, is.

     

  • At 6:16 pm, Blogger Unknown said…

    Right, that's what I said. And I still disagree.

     

  • At 8:56 pm, Blogger Judy said…

    We tried natural family planning.

    We now call that "Evan".

    Couldn't be happier!

    I wish we had more children. But I thank God every day for the ones He gave us.

    Your dad and I STILL aren't mature enough to have children. But, by the grace of God, you three seem to have survived our immaturity rather well. That alone is miraculous!

     

  • At 10:42 pm, Blogger Unknown said…

    Chris (Dish),

    Let me explain what I mean. You seem to be saying that fertility is inextricably linked with sexuality, and I agree (at least, I agree that it should be). But sexuality is not inextricably linked with fertility, and need not be, as many infertile, post menopausal, and just-not-ready-for-a-baby couples can tell you.

    Sexuality is a necessary part of reproduction, but reproduction is not a necessary part of sexuality.

     

  • At 11:56 am, Blogger Chris said…

    and that is what i said.
    However there are always ties between them. For example, Evan.

     

  • At 9:43 am, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Racie...that's a good point. There are downsides to taking any drug. The consumer needs to be fully aware before they take it that there are side effects that are possible and in some cases likely. I think that when weighing the wisdom of taking any medication you should seriously think about the side effects. Some of them can be life threatening and that's a big concern. Its especially helpful to know your family medical history when you're dealing with drugs.
    I personally got over the hump of being concerned with the side effects when I realized the potential side effects of common over the counter drugs that I was taking without thinking twice. For instance, here are the side effects of ibuprofen...my painkiller of choice.
    ·an allergic reaction (difficulty breathing; closing of the throat; swelling of the lips, tongue, or face; or hives);
    ·muscle cramps, numbness, or tingling;
    ·ulcers (open sores) in the mouth;
    ·rapid weight gain (fluid retention)
    ·seizures
    ·decreased hearing or ringing in the ears
    ·yellowing of the skin and eyes (jaundice)
    ·abdominal cramping, indigestion, or heartburn.

    Who knew that you could have hearing loss or seizures brought on by an over the counter medication? Not me! I hadn't a clue. I was merrily taking a pill whenever I had a headache without thinking twice. We have to be careful about what goes in our body. Read a lot. Do your research. That was my solution. And birth control pills are not the right answer for every woman. Its just a viable and moral option (from my point of view) that should be an option.

     

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