Why I cried for the first time in years

Parts of this story are disturbing, but they are all true (as well as I can recall them). Be warned.

One of my assignments at camp last week was running the waterslide with another cabin leader. One of us had to stand at the top and spray campers before they went down; the other stood at the bottom to make sure campers got off safely and to announce to the person at the top that the next camper could come down. With the canoe trip in the middle of the week, we only had the waterslide open for two days. The first day, we played rock, scissors, paper to see who had to go to the bottom. I won (I always win; I kick butt at rock, scissors, paper), so I got to stand at the top and spray campers with freezing water.

Friday was the next day for waterslide, and my partner claimed that I had said that I would go to the bottom because she went last time. This does not sound like something I would say, so I argued that we should play again. She refused and insisted that I go. I decided to take the waterslide down. I turned on the water, took off my shirt and sandals, and held onto my backpack. I hopped onto the slide, my feet slid out, and I landed on my butt and slid to the bottom of the slide.

Actually, that's what happened the previous hundred times I've gone down this waterslide. On this particular day, my left foot hit a dry part of the slide and instead of sliding in front of me, it bent outward and I collapsed into the water. Are you squinting and baring your teeth in a grimace? That's been a common response.

I called my partner and told her that I had broken my ankle. She didn't believe me and thought I intended to push her down the slide. Until she saw the angle at which my foot was bent. She then ran for the nurse who arrived in her golf cart, followed by my brother in his golf cart (incidentally the golf cart that I crashed into a tree five years ago, injuring my other leg). My brother gave me a hard time. "Give me a break!" he said. I told him I just had one (witty as ever under stress), and when he saw my foot, his balls shrank to the size of raisins.

My brother made further sarcastic comments that he will not tell me about, but redeemed himself by driving me to the hospital, giving me his rubber bracelet to gnaw on, and not telling anyone how I cried like a little girl in the backseat of the car.

The X-rays revealed that I had three-inch spiral fractures in both my tibia and fibula and a third vertical fracture near the ankle. I don't really remember. I had a lot of pain medication in me at the time.

My injury required surgery, so I called Christine and had her come up from Illinois. My parents also came to stay at the hospital.

They gave me an epideral and I believe something else, but I don't recall what. I woke up on the table and was able to wiggle my toes shortly afterward. The camp director and his wife came to see me, which was nice. Christine showed up a little while later, which was even more wonderful. remember, I've been away from home for two weeks, so I would have rather seen her under happier circumstances, but it was great to see her nevertheless.

Four hours after my surgery was over, I still hadn't urinated, and the nurse told me that if I didn't go soon, I'd need a catheter. I have shy kidneys, so I asked Christine to leave. I didn't pee while she was gone, but I did manage to vomit all over myself. I paged the nurse, who cleaned me off, and when Christine came back, I asked her never to leave again. I slept and woke up every couple of hours to vomit and not pee. So after I hadn't peed for nearly twelve hours, they gave me the catheter.

If you've never had something go UP your urethra, I can tell you it is as awful as you imagine it might be. If you have had the experience, I am so sorry. I couldn't watch, but Christine says that once it was in, I peed seventeen milliliters.

Since the next morning, I have been able to go on my own. I would be annoyed at having to hobble on a crutch to the bathroom, except that the annoyance is outweighed by the euphoria of not having something jammed UP my urethra.

I've spent the last three days lying on the couch at my parents house watching movies and falling into Vicodin induced slumber. I also finished the new Harry Potter book. And I have a metal plate and several screws in my leg.

That's the story as I remember it. If anyone else who was there tells you anything different, believe them. I was really drugged up.